Mom's Kitchen

When I was visiting my folks, I cleaned out my mom's fridge and pantry. Here's the before and after pics.

before left side of pantry
before right side

what was emptied from the right side

what was emptied from the left side

the crazy amount of crap that was expired

after right side

after left side (still a little crazy at the bottom,
but it's stuff I just didn't know what to do with so it stayed)

before

after (see the door mostly)

the stuff that was expired.

My new "job"

Whether you know or you don't, I lost my job 2 weeks ago. My mom has "hired" me to help her throw things away. When I say "hired," I mean "gave me something to do so I don't feel as guilty about taking money from my parents."

Anyway, my parents live in an enormous, once-beautiful house that is overrun by stuff and disrepair. I spent Saturday and part of Sunday over there working on my first project, the bedroom that once belonged to my brother. (He's tried out 3 of the 4 bedrooms in the 12 1/2 years we've lived there.) A few summers ago, my sister was home doing a veterinary internship ... and it was the CAT'S room.

Floor coated in (unused, thank God) kitty litter. Toys and books dating back to the early 90s, and we moved into that house in 1997. Clothes and shoes that wouldn't fit anyone in the house. Years' worth of Boy Scout manuals, low-scoring school papers, crayons, colored pencils, and glue. After 10+ hours, the floor is clean and about 1/2 the closet is tackled.

I got into a big fight with my dad when he came in to see what I was doing (he is the worst hoarder I've ever met.) We got into a screaming fight over my throwing away the broken, kitty-litter-covered, empty VHS cover for Toy Story. "WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU THROWING THAT AWAY? WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO WHEN WE FIND THE MOVIE AND THERE'S NO COVER FOR IT?!!?"

He is pathological and not supportive of my mom's desire to clean. Don't be like my dad!

Life Lessons

56 hours. I had 56 hours this weekend to drive 18 hours, sleep two nights and help my dad try to get his head above water. So many life lessons were reinforced this weekend and what I saw and did brought up a lot of emotion.

My dad is 74 this year. He has lived alone for the past 27 years since my mom died. I have to be honest, the house was/is atrocious. BUT he has done the best that he can and the best that he knows how to. In 27 years, there has never been a sorting of things, a purge of old and useless items, regular maintenance of things (painting walls, replacing carpet, washing/replacing drapes, etc), repairing of broken things (kitchen cabinets, closet doors off hinges, etc). In addition, he has grown up with a Depression era mentality about his belongings. I felt/feel awful that he is living in these conditions. It's strange, but he doesn't even see it.

When he puts the house up on the market, people who come to see the house will think about the squaller that he has lived in. But again, he does not see it. I have been there before to help (last time I got rid of 35 garbage bags of trash/junk/give aways from one room). Here is a man, who incidentally was a doctor for 40 years, with such integrity, moral grit, and dignity living in destruction...and he is my dad! It Breaks.My. Heart.

This is a very complicated topic and could be discussed for paragraphs upon paragraphs, but for the sake of readable blog entry, here is a summary of the life lessons that were reinforced with me this weekend.

1. Periodically take inventory of your belongings. Purge, re-purpose, re-cycle, donate. (Yay for this blog!)
2. Beautify your environment. Surround yourself with things that are useful, meaningful, and appealing.
3. Maintain your belongings. Fix things that are broken and do preventative maintenance on things that need it.
4. Get help. If you can afford to, hire someone to help do things (clean, power wash, lawn maintenance, painting, etc), DO IT! Being penny wise can sometimes be pound foolish. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and shell out the bucks. If you can't afford it, ask for help from those around you!
5. Having the most possessions doesn't mean you win the game.

I love my dad and I want him to be happy and comfortable. I am so sad that his life has slowly worked its way down this path over the years. He is doing the best he can and age only exaggerates his housekeeping handicaps. I feel helpless. Aside from helping as best I can, I can take the lessons that I have learned from his life and try to do better with mine.